I need help urgently.........?

How can I smuggle Feces in a Pickle Jar throught the airport. I know they aren't alowed on plaines because sanitory conditions, but I need something to snack on. B.T.W its my own Feces so I don't get salamanali I covered them in spaghetti sauce. Can I convince the plane its home made meatballs (they were 3 days ago) and I don't want the person next to me asking any questions. Like "watcha eating on, playboy. It stanks. Get it away from me."(this has happened in the past.